The Grand Chessboard: How America Plays Risk While the Rest of the World Plays Uno
Written by Robert Maxwell
In 1997, former U.S. National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski gave us The Grand Chessboard, a book that basically said:
"Hey America, if you wanna stay number one, you gotta treat the world like a giant board game—but, like, one where we own all the pieces."
His strategy?
✔️ Control Eurasia
✔️ Expand NATO until Russia loses it
✔️ Destabilize the Middle East (because why not?)
✔️ Keep China from getting too big (spoiler: that didn’t happen)
✔️ Make sure no one notices we’re doing all this (also didn’t happen)
Fast forward to 2025, and Brzezinski’s playbook isn’t just history—it’s still in the game. But if recent events are any indication, America isn’t just playing chess anymore. It’s throwing the board at people’s heads.
Step 1: Make Sure No One Else Wins
Brzezinski believed that Eurasia was the key to power, which made sense because if you look at a world map, it's… uh, really big. His plan? Prevent any country from having too much fun there. It’s kinda like when you have just enough power to make things better for everyone, but instead, you spend all your time making sure nobody else gets invited to the party. Of course, history is full of empire-building geniuses who thought they had the master plan—until they didn’t. Rome. The British Empire. That time Blockbuster could have bought Netflix.
Step 2: Expand NATO (Even If Nobody Asked)
Brzezinski’s brilliant (sarcasm) idea: "Let’s keep expanding NATO until Russia starts throwing furniture." Imagine you live in a nice neighborhood, but every time you step outside, someone is building another McDonald’s on your lawn. Eventually, you're gonna say, "Okay, enough with the NATO Happy Meals!" Well, guess what? Russia did say that. In 2022. With tanks. Now, Ukraine, Finland, Sweden, and even countries that don’t exist yet are lining up for NATO membership. Meanwhile, Putin is standing outside like, "Bro, can I get a breather?"
Step 3: Play Jenga With the Middle East
Brzezinski didn’t technically say, “Topple Middle Eastern governments like a kid who just learned how to knock over Legos,” but that’s pretty much what happened.
The idea was simple: if we just nudge a few regimes off balance (Iraq, Libya, Syria—take your pick), surely democracy and peace will blossom, right? Oh wait, turns out removing governments without a plan is like taking the engine out of a car and expecting it to drive better. Fast forward to today, and the Middle East is still... the Middle East.
Step 4: Keep China in Check—With… T-Shirts?
Brzezinski warned that China shouldn’t become too powerful—so naturally, the U.S. outsourced literally everything to Beijing. Now, in 2025, America can’t even make a toaster without calling Xi Jinping for permission. The only thing we’ve managed to "contain" is our own ability to manufacture stuff. Oops.
Step 5: Be Subtle (Or Not)
Brzezinski suggested the U.S. should control the world without making it obvious that we’re controlling the world. Ah yes, covert dominance! Like telling everyone you’re "just checking in" while you’re secretly going through their browser history. Instead, the U.S. has been about as subtle as a frat guy at a house party. We walk in, start rearranging furniture, take over the music, and then act shocked when someone tries to kick us out.
Did It Work?
It’s now 2025, and the Brzezinski plan kinda worked—depending on how you define "worked."
✔️ Russia’s not contained. It’s expanding.
✔️ China’s economy is so powerful we owe them, like, our firstborn child.
✔️ The Middle East is still… the Middle East.
✔️ And NATO is growing faster than inflation.
Meanwhile, bizarre news headlines like “Human Head Washes Ashore in Florida” keep popping up like side quests in a dystopian novel.
The Floridian Candidate isn’t fiction anymore—it’s just America on autopilot.
What’s Next?
Maybe it’s time we stop playing global chess and try something radical… like Uno. Who knows? Maybe if we stop flipping the board over every five minutes, people will actually want to sit down and play with us. And guess what? For the first time in over 150 years… maybe we can.